“But all the other kids’ parents agreed!”
“You never get me!”
“You should care about me and allow me to go!”
“You never defend me when teachers accuse me of misbehaviour!”
Sound familiar? If you have a teenage athlete at home, you have probably heard these emotional pleas, and maybe even given in a few times just to avoid the drama. Teens have a special way of pushing boundaries, testing limits, and pulling at heartstrings, often without even realising it.
It’s not that they are bad kids; it’s just part of their growth. Their brains are still developing – especially the prefrontal cortex, which controls impulse and reasoning. They crave independence but are not ready to let go of parental support, creating a constant push-and-pull between what they want and what you expect.
In that tension, manipulation often takes root, not necessarily out of malice, but as a survival tool to dodge responsibility and gain control in situations they feel powerless. Recognising these tactics is the first step towards addressing them.
- Deception: Withholding information or lying to avoid consequences or sway decisions.
- Guilt-tripping: Making you feel responsible or at fault to get their way.
- Playing the victim: Shifting blame and seeking sympathy to avoid accountability.
- Emotional manipulation: Using tantrums, silence, or drama to control your emotional response.
- Gaslighting: Twisting facts or denying events to make you doubt your perception or memory.
How Parents Can Respond
The key? Balance firmness with empathy. Here is how to manage these emotional power struggles, maintain your authority, and strengthen your connection with your teen:
✅ Stay Calm and Consistent
Teens push buttons. It’s how they test boundaries. Do not let emotional outbursts derail you. Stick to clear, pre-established consequences: “No phone for a day if chores aren’t done.” Consistency sends the message: manipulation will not work.
✅ Name the Behaviour
Call it out without shaming: “I can tell you’re upset, but yelling won’t change the rule.” This shifts the focus to their actions rather than their character.
✅ Validate, Don’t Cave
Show you hear them: “I get that you’re frustrated about being grounded.” But stand firm. Validation builds trust; giving in teaches them emotions can override rules.
✅ Set Boundaries with Empathy
Let them know why consequences matter: “I’m holding you accountable because I care about your growth.” Even if they roll their eyes, they need to hear it.
✅ Model Emotional Regulation
If you lose your cool, they will use it against you. Stay calm under pressure. Teens learn more from what you do than what you say.
✅ Offer Choices Within Limits
Empower them within boundaries: “You can do your homework now or after dinner, but it’s due tomorrow.” This gives them control without sacrificing structure.
✅ Don’t Take It Personally
Their behaviour is not a judgment of your parenting, it’s a phase. Keep perspective, hold steady, and remember, consistency wins.
The Big Picture
Raising a teen, especially a driven young athlete, takes patience, resilience, and a solid game plan. Set clear boundaries, lead with empathy, and stand your ground. In doing so, you will equip them with the emotional intelligence they need to thrive, both on the field and in life.
Photo Credit (Getty Images).
